my vag is so smooth its legendary
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
