Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
