So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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