I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize