i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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