I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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