I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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