I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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