i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
