You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
A bitchslap is in order.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize