An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
