i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
