I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
