Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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