Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
