you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
