Just fell off a train. Bad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
