She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What drink are we having for lunch?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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