apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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