Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bring money and cleavage
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
