I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
