the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
