Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize