Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
