just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
BRING THE BAGELS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
