dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
