mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
