I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Green mimosas i think yes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
