he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
