Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
