I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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