So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
