I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
