Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
