I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
