I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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