I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
