We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
