Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
