Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
