he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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