4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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