Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
