May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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