I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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