i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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