what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
