She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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