Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
