You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
