i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
