every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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