You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
