38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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