Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
