brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
