i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
