so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
