hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
