It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
