I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
