Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
