my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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