i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize