i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
