Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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