After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
