Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the condom got lost in my hair
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
