Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
