you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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