everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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