my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
