Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The Olympian is in my bed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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