she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
