i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
