first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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