she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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