Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
