Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
false alarm, still single
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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