Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
