if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
