It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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