i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
