Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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