He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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