what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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