just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
where are my eyebrows?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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