How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
