I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
