Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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