I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize