I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i think i have two assholes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
