i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
