it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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