12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
