woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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