the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
