Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
